The Need for Speed!

"Why don't you go with us to the Holy Land?" My pastor/boss was standing at the door to my office.

I was adding up the cost to attend a Christian Education event in New Orleans. The cost, if I drove and didn't fly, was going to be around $800 by the time I figured in the cost of the event, lodging, and meals.

"For that amount you can go to the Holy Land on a partial scholarship since you are working on your certification in Christian Education," he offered.

Count me in! Holy Land here I come! (Not by the car pictured! There's another reason for that picture).

I was serving as the church Business Administrator and Program Director, which meant I did just about anything the pastor didn’t want to do. I had also started my Christian Education Certification process, so the Holy Land was a dream trip - until I discovered that the Holy Land was in Israel! Yes, embarrassing as it is to admit, as an adult I did not realize that the Israel in the Bible was the Israel that was the same country called the “Holy Land”!

“Isn’t that the place where there is all the unrest between the Palestinians and the Israelis?”, I innocently inquired.

“Yes, that’s the place”, he answered.

(Hmmm. Second thoughts seriously racing through my mind.)

Bob was a very smart man. His preaching was very educational, however most of the congregation seemed to get lost in his detailed explanations (which I found fascinating). His intelligence seemed to affect his personal relationship skills. He could be demanding and frustrated easily. When he first came to serve the church, I was asked to attend all “Cottage” meetings held in members' homes . Cottage meetings were held in different neighborhoods surrounding the church. 8 to 12 adult members were invited to come meet the pastor and talk about the things they liked about the church and things they wish the church would change or do better. I was asked to attend all the meetings to help him with meeting and talking to the people who attended. “Mediator”would be my role in many other situations that were to come while I worked with Bob.

I met Bob while he was serving at another church. In his office one day I noticed he was a bit gruff and demanding of his wife who just happened to stop by. After he came to the church I was serving, he was also a bit gruff and demanding of me. His social skills needed some work.

Here is where the lime green roadrunner pictured comes in. One of the many interesting things about Bob was that he rode his motorcycle to church (with his comb-over blowing in the wind). When he wasn't riding the motorcycle, he was driving an old Lincoln convertible that looked the size of a 17 foot boat. I took a ride in the "boat" to a barn that was filled with collectible cars. Yes - FILLED with collectible cars! They all belonged to Pastor Bob.

"This car", he said pointing to the lime green Roadrunner, "goes from 0 to 160 mph is 10 seconds. Wanna try it out?"

"No, thank you, " I replied thinking about my second grader at home and how important it was for me to continue to be his mom. (The ride in the "boat" had been pretty fast, so I was still catching my breath). "Where did you get all these? And how can you afford to buy them?" I added in amazement.

"Buying and selling rare coins and stamps is my hobby", he explained. "Then I use some of the profit to buy cool cars."

I told you he was a very intelligent man! Collecting and selling coins and stamps sounds fascinating to me. It can also be a lot of work. Then using those profits to buy a barn-full of cars, just for fun, is was also interesting to me. It was like a museum that very few people knew about. It is amazing what people find to value and invest in their lives. Some people buy diamonds, some people donate to causes, and some people just store their savings away for a rainy day. I imagine when and if he ever sold those cars, he may be able to do all of those things and more.

We made it back to the church safely. And not long after that, we did make that trip to the Holy Land. Bob had studied in the Holy Land so he took our small group to many places that we would not have seen if it had not been for his knowledge and experience. After that trip I made two more trips to Israel, two additional trips called "The Journeys of Paul" to Greece and Turkey, and a trip to Italy called "History of the Early Church in Italy".

That first trip took me out of my comfort zone of doing safe educational trips in the United States. I am so thankful for Bob. His encouragement to try something new enriched my life. However, his social challenges lead me to look elsewhere for future employment. Another church, another pastor, and more experiences.

Have you dealt with challenging people who encouraged you to try something new and out of your comfort zone that lead to life-changing results? Think about what they taught you. Let me know what you learned by commenting below.

The "E" Word...

What is the difference between a dolphin and a shark? This is a picture of a fellow I feared running into every time i was in dark beach water. Even in lake water where I couldn't see below the surface, I was sure there was something slimy that was going to attack me (could have been related to seeing my friends covered with leeches after diving into a lake on a church camping trip - definitely nightmare material).

So, why didn't I think about happy, jumping dolphins instead of sharks? Fear. Sharks will eat me. Dolphins just jump, play, and swim away.

By now you may be wondering what "E" word has to do with either of these swimming images. Both were images I read about in "Conspiracy of Kindness: A Unique Approach to Sharing the Love of Jesus" by Steve Sjogren. Being a part of a church brings the opportunity of developing relationships, if you take the time to get to know the people sitting around you. The challenge in developing relationships in church is that I didn't anticipate "sharks". I thought the church was a place where people went to share the love of Jesus and tell nice stories. To be fair to the author, he is describing the "emotionally edgy" word - evangelism. "Sharing the gospel", the "Good News", is something that seems to me a topic that would bring joy, peace, and happiness. Instead, I ran into people wanting something from me that I wasn't sure I was ready to give because I didn't understand why I was being asked to give it. I wanted a relationship with a loving God. Many times I ran into angry, hurting, needy people. And I stayed, because I felt God might be able to use me to show God's love to others.

At the church there was information about a good place called "heaven" and a bad place called "hell", and I definitely preferred the former to the latter. There were rules to follow and actions to be performed to become a part of the group. My parents told me it was a good place to make friends who were good people. They even drove me, my brother, and my sister to the church every Sunday. They didn't just drop us off, they actually got out of the car with us, went inside, listened, and participated.

I made friends and heard nice stories, but eventually (another "e" word), this place of love and nice stories started to fall apart. Some people got upset about something (nobody told me what it was) and soon the preacher was gone and people left - to start another church. This process happened more than once in my early church years. I hear it continues in churches today.

I have survived my church experiences because I still believe the church is a good place where there are good people with good intentions. I still believe in a good God. However, the word "church" indicates a gathering of people. Wherever people gather, for whatever reason, there is a possibility of pain. Experiencing that pain and focusing on the hurt can create division, or it can just be a diversion, a diversion that God uses to help me grow in my relationship with God. 

I intend to use this blog to write about my experiences with people in the church over the years that challenged me. Some challenged me to grow. Some challenged me to go. I would like to hear from you if that would encourage you to grow closer to God. There are many stories to share. Just like the Bible, some are good, and some are scary. The "good" book is the backbone of many good places with many good people.

Discipleship Pathway - New Book

This is the cover of the most recent book written by Nelson Roth. The book introduces two tried and proven tools to be a disciple and to be a disciple maker. The coaching approach to discipleship made a difference in my life and in my relating to God. 

Finding the NEXT STEP in growing in a  relationship to God is a challenge for many
people. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day. However, using a coach and working with a tool called The Relevant Discipleship Manual, I found time. Time to read. Time to reflect. Time to have the privilege of working with Nelson as my Discipleship Coach.

I found Nelson and his wife Pam when looking for CEUs to maintain my ICF coaching credentials. As part of the training, students in the online class were given the option of using the Relevant Discipleship Manual, authored by Nelson and Pam, as a tool for a one-to-one coaching process. The manual covers seven spiritual disciplines. There are four 2-page articles related to each discipline. There are also an additional two pages of coaching tools for each discipline that will take each of the seven disciplines deeper through the use of powerful questions. 

The manual also has 12 additional lessons that can be used in small groups or Sunday School classes. 

Here is my review of my experience of one-to-one coaching. Nelson and I talked for approximately an hour every two to three weeks. The disciplines were picked by what I wanted to focus on. Each time it seemed like there was a relevant reason I was given the opportunity to focus on that particular discipline. The first one I chose was evangelism - because I am not that good at sharing my faith with others outside of the church. I needed guidance to make the extra effort to remember and share stories of God's activity in my daily life.

I hope you will pick up a copy of this book, and the Relevant Discipleship Manual. I am currently discipling two people through the manual, and have already asked another individual to let me know when they are ready to begin!

If a tree falls...?

I am currently traveling in Virginia. Our son is having several dead trees on his property removed and while my son and my husband are off playing golf,  I am watching the guys who are cutting the trees down. One guy had angel wings on the t-shirt he was wearing and that made me a bit nervous. (I wasn't sure if he was hoping to go to heaven soon!). As I watched the trees fall (and made sure they weren't falling on the "lumberjacks"), the philosophical question about "trees" popped into my mind. I definitely heard the trees as they fell. And it made me think about coaching.

If you never try coaching, how will you ever know if it works?

According to the work of philosopher George Berkeley in 1710, "the objects of sense exist only when they are perceived". Although Mr. Berkeley never actually wrote about the tree question, several years later a similar question was posed in The Chatauquan in June 1883, "If a tree where to fall on an island where there were no human beings would the be any sound?". All this is based on Wikipedia so I decided to see what they have to say about "coaching".

Or better yet, how does the International Coaching Federation (ICF) define "coaching"? Their definition is "...partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential...".

To encourage you to use a coach, I am providing a simple curriculum on my website as a free sample of coaching principles. Currently I have only posted two of the 4 or 5 lessons (since I haven't finished, I am not sure how many lessons there will actually be). The lessons are particularly designed to help churches and church ministry teams. The principles can be applied to any goal setting situations and opportunities.

Check out the downloads at www.moreteamspirit.com. Together everybody accomplishes more. Let me know what you liked best.

A Wedding on Easter Sunday

It all began with a wedding on Easter Sunday. Coaching has traditionally been associated with sports. Every top athlete has a coach. I decided to hire a coach for 3 months to get me through a difficult time I was having with my job. My job was at a church. Church budgets tend to have limited budgets for continuing education, so I used my personal resources and hired a coach to strengthen my performance.

The coach I hired was someone I met when I owned a beautiful Bed and Breakfast called "The Browning Plantation" in Chappell Hill, Texas. (It is now a private home). Both my husband and I were working full time and had a manager who helped run the B&B, which was also our residence. The man who eventually became my coach, who I had never met at that time, wanted to get married on Easter Sunday.

Easter Sunday at many churches tends to be a "more than usual" busy time. The whole week prior to Easter Sunday involves additional worship services and activities (choir rehearsals, egg hunts, etc.). I would be waking up on Easter morning around 4 a.m. so I could be at the church at 6 a.m. for the Easter Sunrise service that started at 6:30. I would be heading back home around 1 or 1:30 in the afternoon. Upon arriving I would be ready for a little nap - not a wedding.

I said absolutely not. Besides wanting to rest, I didn't think that I could convince my normal staff to be away from their families on Easter Sunday. Also the caterers we used would more than likely want to be with their families. Besides, "Why Easter Sunday?", I asked (sure that I would get an answer about the specific date being the reason). "Easter falls on a different day every year", I continued. To which my inquirer answered, "I met my wife-to-be on Easter Sunday, so we want to exchange our vows on Easter Sunday - and we want it to be at the Browning."

After several ways of trying to turn down the business, I finally gave in. We needed the business, and he was determined and convincing (money talks). Oh, by the way, did I mention the name of his business was "The Wealth Source"? 
 
I rented a hotel room close to the church and took a nap there before going home. When I arrived back at the house, the caterers were packing up and leaving, the guests were gone, and the wedding had taken place. That was the beginning of my coaching adventure. A few years later, the man who arranged everything for the wedding became my coach.

Coaching changed the way I look at life. Coaching changed the way I approached ministry. Celebrations, concerns, action items, and priorities were shared with my ministry teams and team leaders on a weekly basis. I took certification training to become a coach.  

I discovered that coaching involves unleashing the personal power of each person to discover their own solutions by providing support, accountability, and unconditional positive regard. Coaching was so much more effective than managing. Intuitive listening and powerful questions lead to more ministry in less time.

Through TEAM Ministries I want to offer 4 FREE coaching lessons. These will be lessons you can do on your own or with your ministry team(s). The four lessons will cover the topics of "Powerful Questions", "Goals and Values", "Beliefs", and "Perspectives". In each lesson there will be an opportunity to practice the skill you have just learned. Ask anyone who has attended a conference or a class where they learned amazing approaches to ministry, but never actually did anything with what they learned. Doing something after you learned it takes a more intensive approach than just learning something.

Since all this may be new to you, I will be available to answer any questions you may have about coaching by phone. My goal is to develop a coaching package that more churches can afford so that more ministry can happen with less frustration and more joy. Accountability is key to coaching. Another key is heart.
Coaching is a discipline that comes from the heart - a heart that believes in people.

Christians are Easter people. Every morning is Easter morning when you examine your options, discover your creativity, and live your life with meaning and joy. Some options may not be of your choosing. Good Friday didn't seem like such a good choice for Jesus. Easter morning lead to a whole new world.

Look for lesson 1, Powerful Questions, next week. I will be developing them weekly so this process will be good practice for me too. My prayer is that our learning together will create synergy. Your input and suggestions will be valuable as the adventure to create this tool for churches begins. Let's reach for the best and make a difference we were born to make.

Coaching works for individuals (like me) as well as ministry teams. You may choose to practice these skills yourself this summer, and then introduce them to your teams in preparation for the fall. Learning to coach will help you grow, fulfill your destiny, and exceed your own expectations. I believe in it - and I believe in you! 

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Digging for Depth

Just when I think I am getting ahead by finally posting my blog, I forget to hit the "save" button and lose all that I started working on! (SAVE)

With all the sources of communication which include my 3 email accounts, Facebook, amazon.com (and the stack of books I have ordered from them already and are waiting to be read), and the three blogs I try to "follow" - I find it very easy to procrastinate. (SAVE)

I also find that pictures intrigue me so I must start working on my photography - and then I find out from a fellow blogger that I must "watermark" my own photos and make sure that any photos that I use that I find on the internet may be ones that I need to pay for. So many steps that I am sure I can climb - it just takes patience and determining priorities.

I just sat down with my "daily" journal today and noticed the last time I posted about my life was 3 weeks ago (oops...SAVE).

I remember when people used to complain about "junk" mail that arrived in the snail mail box and the time it took going through it. I see things I want to read, I just don't get to them. And I have unsubscribed and unsubscribed from things I don't think I ever subscribed to. At least I didn't mean to, but that is probably because I didn't read the thing I "Agreed" to. (SAVE).

I hear now that people hire ghost writers to write their blogs! I think I need to hire a ghost reader to let me know which blogs that I receive that I actually need to read. They all seem important enough for me to subscribe to them. Then all I seem to have time to do is delete them. (SAVE)

If I looked further into this program I am using now I could probably find that there is an automatic save feature, but now I need to go check my email and Facebook because I haven't done that yet today. (Save)

I will be posting more often and digging deeper into sharing my insights and things I have learned. I do have thoughts that will mean something to someone - if they have time to read them. (Save)

Love the time you have today and use it well. And if you want a fun visual to inspire you, check into "The Crew at StoryPeople". They make me smile.

Faith Club

Met with my "outside the church" book club today. The book for this month was The Faith Club by Ranya Idibly, Suzanne Oliver, and Priscilla Warner. It was written after September 11 by 3 mothers who got together for the purpose of writing a book for children about the connections between Judaism, Christianity, and Judaism. I hadn't finished reading the book because I kept going back and re-reading parts because I would get confused about who was writing, so I don't know if the Children's book was ever written. I just checked on Amazon and didn't see one mentioned.

What was fascinating was the discussion at our table regarding the different rules of different religions, even the different rules within Christian religions - and the logic behind the differences and the rules. There was a lot of pain regarding rules that separated families from their church affiliation. All of us were Christian. And being a person who listens to other table conversations, I wondered if other people were listening to us.

I enjoy being around smart women, especially smart women who read books of all kinds and can discuss them openly. What became even more evident in our discussion is how religion divides people. Religion brings people together in big and important ways, but our beliefs carry a passion that can be difficult to open up and discuss. After all - who is the authority?

As always, I choose to err on the side of love and understanding. The more we can talk to each other, the more we understand.

I am thankful for my faith background. Our next couple of books will not be on religion. Probably a good thing.